Mind Over Stomach?

I was hungry this afternoon. My stomach told me so. It was aching and grumbling: "need food."

So, I grabbed an apple, and I was skeptical that it would feed the needs of my stomach. It was scrumptious and juicy. After I ate it I thought, " I need to eat something more."

Since I've been trying to be more "conscious" of my eating habits I stopped to think about if I was really hungry.

Is my stomach still grumbling? No

Is my stomach still achy? No

Does my body show any physical signs of hunger? No

Why do I think I "need" more?

These are the behaviors I want to change. I automatically assumed the apple wouldn't feed my hunger, as a result I was already telling myself I needed to eat more when in reality the apple did the trick.

After making this simple realization it was a little easier to tell myself that I didn't need to go rummage through my cupboards for something more to eat.

Go me!

The THRILL of Eating

These first two weeks I will be trying to get into the groove of being aware of what I eat and developing a better understanding of my relationship with food.

I've been thinking a lot about that, and while food is a comfort for me...it's been more about being free. Free to eat whatever I want and enjoy it...it's the best feeling. Granted at the end of the day, weeks, months, years I paid for it.

Growing up and into the first years of college I've always been so disciplined. I studied hard and got good grades; I ran the house and took care of my brother and sister while my single mom worked several jobs to make ends meet; I was strict with my eating habits and exercise...I did everything that everyone expected of me without giving it much thought. I've always been a "pleaser." However, as I got older I knew what I was "supposed" to do, but not really what I wanted to do. I would say this is a typical crisis of young adulthood. Everyone works through it and gets on their feet. But, for some reason instead of working through it I just let loose, and instead of being wild and crazy I kind of stopped caring so much. I began to withdraw and found that I could "let loose" with food.

It started with sneaking food, because everyone always knew me as a health nut, and I didn't want them to see me eating an entire pack of cookies or the entire bag of chips, or 3-4 candybars at at time. I would sneak food and just relish every moment of eating it...almost thrilled with the idea that I shouldn't be eating it. I probably gained 30lbs in the course of a year doing the sneak-binge. The only good thing about sneaking is that you can't be sneaky all the time, so it limited my binges.

However, when I got married I saw a whole new world of eating possibilities. My husband LOVES to eat, and he LOVES to eat A LOT! He encouraged me to join in with him, and it was like my fantasy...to be able to share in the thrill of eating all of those "naughty" foods with someone who enjoyed the food as much as me. He didn't judge me or put on any guilt trips...he enjoyed seeing my "healthy" appetite, and loved me all the more for it. I didn't realize it at the time, but I used food to create an emotional connection with my husband. When I think about all of the fun times with my husband most of those memories include food. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our relationship is based on MUCH more than just food, but I'm starting to recognize how I relate with and connect to food, and this is a BIG part of it.

Here I am eight years later. Eight years of telling myself I didn't care, and that I should "eat, drink and be merry." I've come to realize that it has been a false sense of merriment, and turned into not caring about myself. Eating can still be fun and OH-SO-GOOD, but I'm done eating in a way that is abusive to my body and my soul.

It's time to start caring and KICK ASS!

New Beginnings/New Rules

It's only taken eight years, but I'm finally taking myself and my weight seriously. Sure, I've attempted to lose weight on more than one occasion: Slim Fast (twice), Atkins (three times), Weight Watchers (three times), 1200 calorie diet (twice), a few cleansing diets here and there...and I'm sure I'm missing a few. I've had success at some level with all of these diets. However, I don't think I was truly committed to staying the course, because as soon as I hit a plateau or a rough spot I would throw my hands in the air and give up. The past two years I've totally given up on dieting and watching what I eat all together, and as a result I'm at my HEAVIEST WEIGHT.

So, what's different now? Why do I think I will stay committed to changing my lifestyle?

For once in my life I care about myself...and my "journey" there is for another blog. But, the point is that I want to be healthy for ME and I don't want to miss out on life anymore. I don't want to hide in the house from my friends and family in embarrassment. I want to be there for my husband and son in ways that my weight has limited me both physically and emotionally. I want to do things like ride a roller coaster, not stress about the airplane seat & seatbelt fitting me, slide down the slide or swing in a swing with my little boy; not have to worry about if I will fit in a booth or a chair at a restaurant or movie theatre. I don't want to have spend the rest of my life paying double the life insurance premium because my weight is not only a health risk, but a risk to my LIFE.

It's just time.

So, what is my plan? There is no diet...only a lifestyle change. I plan to follow Six Rules:

1) Eat to Live: as opposed to living to eat. I'm learning to accept that the quanity and quality of the foods I consume has to change. My focus will be on eating whole grains, lean proteins, and vegetables. Of course portion sizes directly correlate with this rule, and I will turn to the portion sizes that I learned from Weight Watchers.

2) "Treat" Yourself: While I will be trying to make better food choices I don't want to completely limit myself, because as soon as I put a food on the "NEVER" list it's all I can think about. I will occasionally treat myself, but not let my treat consume me. On days that I do treat myself I will either have to cut back at a certain meal or have a longer workout.

3) Move that Ass: I plan to get at least 45min of exercise five days a week. My goal is to eventually achieve six hours of exercise every week.

4) Bedtime: I'm a firm believer that the amount of sleep we get directly correlates with our weight. I do not get enough sleep, simply because I choose to got bed at midnight. My new bedtime: 10pm. I may not be asleep by 10pm, but I will be on my way, which will give my body the rest it needs to function at its best.

5) When the Going Gets Tough - Kick ASS!: I'm going to have bad days. Days when I eat too much. Days when I don't exercise or stay up too late. Days when I just want to give up and return to the comfort zone of food. But, that is when I'm going to come to this blog and post my frustrations and then look through the blogs on my Blogroll of Inspiration to keep me going in the right direction. I'm going to accept the bad days and limit them to just that: A BAD DAY...instead of letting them keep me down.

6) Food Journal: I plan to keep a food journal to not only help me track what I eat, but also record the emotions I feel when I eat certain foods, when I'm hungry, when I'm full, etc. I'm an emotional eater and I feel like I need to understand how my emotions affect my eating habits.